Progressive Chevra Kadisha — A Discussion About Life, Death, And Taharah

Today’s episode is a Shababt Replay all the way back to March 15th, when Rabbi Steven was joined by a virtual panel to discuss the Progressive Chevra Kadisha of Chicago, a sacred society which prepares bodies for burial. It’s a fascinating conversation all about this beautiful and humbling ancient practice.

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Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss.

Transcript

Transcript

So I'm really excited to welcome John Quinn and Barb Schmidt, and Judy yakker, who are three amazing Mishkan knights who volunteer with help coordinate, bring people to a group of Mishkan knights who are part of the progressive hypokinesia. Now in Africa, Disha, for those who are not familiar with the organization is a group of individuals who help prepare bodies for burial after a person dies. And this is incredibly sacred work, actually, for many, many centuries, in many places, these actually operated as secret societies. So, so that the idea being right that this is the kind of work that nobody kind of goes out to be like, oh, like, look at me, like I'm on the hook of the show, like I'm brush your shoulders, you know, it's actually very humbling, and very sacred work, very challenging work sometimes. But I wanted to have these folks join us to share a little bit about why they got involved, what the work has been like, and what they've learned through the process as a way of really raising the profile of this amazing organization of individuals, and also, as a way of letting folks know, in our community that this practice is available for all of us, either for ourselves or for our loved ones. To be in to think about how we might want our own burial to go or to be to have conversations with the people in our lives about what they would want or what they wish as well, and to know that the individuals between the time of their death and burial are in very good hands with a progressive hypokinesia. So I would love just to have each of you introduce yourselves briefly and and to tell us like what brought you to this work? Right? Because I don't think many people wake up and say, you know, I, I want to, I want to do something that's very challenging, very uncomfortable, I think to most people, given that I think most of us are very, in our lives are very far away from the kind of immediacy of death. So, Judy, you're in the top right corner for me, so I'm gonna ask you to go first if that's okay, that's

fine. I'm Judy Acker. And I've told this story several times already, but I, I had never even heard of taharah or ever Kadisha. until fairly recently. Recently being you know, in the last eight years, it wasn't until my father died, that I learned of it because we were asked if we would like him to receive this service. And, and when I found out about it, I very much did want for him to have it the the end of his life was marked by a great deal of indignity and, and struggle and challenge. And the idea that on this final on these final moments on Earth, that he would be treated with compassion and loving kindness and honor moved me so much that when the opera when the the opportunity arose, the training was offered, I wasn't positive that I wanted to do it. I knew I wanted to, but I wasn't sure I would be able to. But then I did. And it's been a, it's been a beautiful, a beautiful experience.

Thank you, Judy, or project to share a little about yourself.

So I'm Barb Schmidt, and I'm a member of mascara. And I first became aware of the PCK actually three whereby Steven, you had mentioned it in our explore Judaism courses, and it really piqued my curiosity. And this got furthered during my beit Dean, this came up again. So it seems like we hit a critical mass last summer. And I, along with Judy got trained in this, I think, John, you were in that training as well, last summer. But personal motivation for this is much like Judy has expressed, I have dealt with death of both of my parents and multiple family members. And I had the amazing opportunity to actually be present at the death of my brother MA and my mother. And there was something profound in those moments. And I decided that this is just something that I was called for, you know, I have a deep sense of commitment to bring in comfort to the mourning and acting with reverence and respect for their loved ones. And I feel like everything we do in the room and preparing the bodies, is to with the aim of treating the deceased with dignity and carrying out their wishes for their Jewish death rituals. And I feel like we honor the legacy established by the ever could teach us over the millennia, as you've alluded to, so for me, it really just feels like an extension of myself. And I feel like we've found part of me.

I want to highlight actually, since both of your sharing of your personal experience of death, one of the particular features that have a condition is that it is a volunteer group of individuals who are the customer is not related to the individual who's deceased, right, it's actually in some way As trusting others in your community with the care of your loved one, and also not asking an individual who is in acute mourning, right to, to take on right to take on that task themselves in a moment that might be really challenging. And so I love how both of your personal experiences have turned into this desire to really be part of a group of individuals who cares for other people's loved ones in that moment. John, could you share a little bit?

Sure, yeah. I'm John Quinn. I'm a builder. I work in philanthropy here in Chicago. And I also first learned about the progressive haver Kadisha, in exploring Judaism, I was in the same year cohort as BB. And, you know, one of the things that you do, one of the many things that you do when you're going through the conversion process, spend a lot of time talking about life cycle rituals. And there was something about the session that we did about death, that was very meaningful for me. And I've been trying to think, in preparation for our conversation today. Why? Well, I think one reason is because it's a kind of intimidating, scary concept. And there's something very structured about the way that our tradition teaches us to engage with it. And a set of practices and tools that aren't necessarily designed to make it easier, but are designed to make it doable and workable, and something that you like a set of instructions that you can follow, that make it possible for you to get through that experience. And I think some of this is also a response to like both Barb and Judy said, you know, I've had family members who've had very difficult death experiences. And we didn't have in those experiences, ways of structuring and processing, what we went through, there was no map that we use, or at least none that we used, and this created one for me. And kind of like Barb said, I liked this idea that there's just a group of people that show up and they take care of it. And it's, for me, it's an act of service back to a community that I become a part of, and that has meant a lot to me.

Thank you for sharing. So the process that happens is once the deceased arrives at a funeral home, usually, I they call upon the PCK to have volunteers arrive and the preparation process which involves right Tahara means purification, which is done with water, right? It's washing the body in a very gentle and loving but also very intimate way. It's a very hands on process, reciting Psalms and prayers, and then dressing or drying and dressing the body in a variety of traditional linen garments before placing it in the casket. And so you're spending a lot of time, right, really intimately engaged with the deceased to this moment. And then many times, folks will also stay with the body with the deceased until the time of burial. There's an idea, right, the intimacy and the love and the tenderness of this moment comes because an individual soul is still with their body in the Jewish tradition until a burial happens. And so we never want to leave that person alone. So it's a great act of care. It's a very intimate act as well. So I'm curious, in that process, what has really challenged you, or what has surprised you? And I'll let I'll let whoever feels like feels like sharing at that moment. Unmute and go first.

Well, I can tell you, almost everything about this has surprised me. I mean, I have to say that I can't even sweep a dead mouse into a paper bag to take it out to the chair. I mean, I like to freak out I cross the street if there's a dead bird on the sidewalk. So the idea that I am like, very, very hands on you're touching a body and in this, as you explain a very intimate way is so surprising to me that I not only am able to do that, but that it, it, it doesn't feel like it doesn't feel weird or achy in any way or scary. It is so beautiful and so sacred and the preparation for the team. It's an it is a team of people who do this. It's not an you're not one on one with the person. There's a team of you and there's the leader. And you start with some prayers and you you ask for forgiveness if you accidentally do something to to dishonor or harm or harm the Muay Thai the body the person and you so there's There's, you ease into it and, and the I think the first touch for me is a little shocking because the person is very cold. And that is a little shocking to me. But also they warm up and you get involved in very specific tasks and it is very manageable and and it is a very beautiful and community communal experience.

No, thank you for sharing that. And I really appreciate your your honesty that is you know, you are you are handling a deceased individual. And that is not the same as interacting with somebody as they're alive. But there's still such a beautiful kind of tenderness and care that that goes into it. And really also highlighting the value of Kubota meets the guiding principle of all of our of our preparation and burial practices is to is to honor honor the deceased in that moment. And, and so there is a sense of even asking forgiveness of like, if I do something right, that isn't exactly, you know, the way it should be done. It's unintentional. It's not me trying to disrespect, but really showing up and doing your best. I don't know anything else. John or Barbie would say but what's your what's your what was challenged you or surprised you?

Yeah, I can agree with God, the the very first Tahara that I was involved in I, I've been thinking about this and trying to remember all the training. And there was a moment when I put my hands on the person to hold their head, and the shock of the cold against my hands, which just brought me exactly into that moment, the preparation for donning all of the gear that we wear to protect ourselves. And it's, it's a really humbling experience, I'm always left with how amazing the teams come together how we work together, and we just weren't there. We're just there with the person. And it's so incredibly humbling even down to the the sessions that we have afterward where we have the opportunity to for feedback, and to express ourselves afterward the decompression, I just really appreciate that. And there's a there's a moment in the ritual, where we hold a sheet over the the person and it's as if we're holding a football. And I really quite love the beauty of that moment, there's a beauty associated with this work that I really appreciate.

Yeah, I guess I would just add, you know, I think what surprised me was how not intimidating and not hard it was when I did it the first time. Because there's a lot of you know, the training is clear and straightforward. And also, you know, it's very easy to imagine that you could make a mistake and, and you know, you're in it, but you're in a team of people and there are people there who've done it before and there's a pretty clear path for you to do everything. And it does this might sound kind of strange, but it does have this feeling almost of like the team at a heist movie, like getting together again, right? You you all come from different places, and you don't necessarily know everybody but you have a job that you have to do and you're there to do that job together. And it's a serious one. And I think maybe the challenging thing for me is when you are in that moment that Barbin Judy talks about is you know this is a person that you don't know and they lived an entire life and there's a whole story there that you're really never going to know and that's the kind of feeling that sticks with me that remains challenging afterward but it also feels like a great honor

I love how you're all highlighting to really that you're not just present and creating space for the deceased individual you're also actually present and create space for each other right from the from the preparation and the prayers before to the direction of the leader the assisting each other in different tasks. I mean even holding up the sheet like a requires multiple hands I know the washing process to when you move the deceased right also requires multiple hands and a gentleness and a care and then coming together afterwards I think for sharing for feedback for lifting each other up is really really beautiful and makes brings a lot of joy for me to hear that as well. To know that each of you is also held to that space and so if a person is thinking and really nervous about you joining to know right but there's actually a team of people there to hold them through the process and that there's a safety there I think it's really beautiful. So I'm I'm really curious how how your sense of yourself or being Jewish has changed through this work

well, I, I think as Barb was saying, it is being such an integral part of community, that, that this is not, this is something that we do. Just regular people, you know, we're just we're not rabbis, we're not priests, we're not, you know, high anything's, we're just community members supporting other community members. And you know, it's one of the things that I always loved about sounds weird loved about Jewish funerals, but you know, the, that, that ritual of shoveling a shovel of dirt onto into the grave, because we bury our own, we take care of our own, and we, we lift up our community, and we take care of our community, from the beginning, to the end, and it that, you know, at this time in my life in particular, um, you know, more at that end, no, I'm not bringing life into this world, and I, but I can support that journey as part of community, it makes me feel very, very connected and in, in a very holy, spiritual way.

Thank you, you know, I think we're kind of mine. It's a very, it's a strange term to use, maybe as well, but and I say this actually, as somebody who also enjoys funerals, I mean, they're sad, of course, because we've lost somebody, there's some funerals that are, are very tragic. And because we've lost somebody much too soon, but death does come for us all. And eventually, we will each have our own funeral. And in the Jewish tradition, we don't outsource that, I think, is what I'm hearing you say, we we are hands on in the preparation of the individual for burial. And we're hands on in the burial itself, right, each individual who attends a funeral participates in helping bury that person and to create this memorial for them. And then to I think, in the, in the communal and spiritual sense, each becomes a memorial by a living memorial by sharing stories and listening to stories. And so Absolutely, thank you, Barbara. John, did you have something to add? Yeah, I

was gonna tag along with what Judy had said, you know, I'm new, new ish to Judaism. And I have found that this is a wonderful way that I can show up for my community. Rabbi Lizzi had a couple of things that she said, I'm gonna paraphrase here. One of them is you can't stop bad from happening in your life, but you can choose the people you want to go through it with. And the second one is, how do you show up for the people in your life. And this is just one way that I feel like I can show up and give back. And I can add to the continuance of this sacred work that's been done over the generations. And one of the things that I really love about the PCK is we are adapting the rituals, while honoring them, we're adapting them for today's modern times. And you know, gender identities and stuff that historically haven't been addressed. So I really like and I'm excited about the work that's happening there. I'm very thankful to be able to do this work.

We're, we're grateful for all of you for doing this work. And I just want to lift up something that Barb was saying about the essential nature that PCK is both so that progressive Jewish communities in Chicago have access to this very old and very beautiful ritual, but also so that individuals who might not have a more of a comfort, or even be discouraged from accessing more traditional spaces, can also feel comfortable and feel like they belong as part of this as part of this particular ritual moment in our lives. And so the PCK has been an amazing source of rethinking and reshaping traditional ritual to meet people of different gender expressions and identities, and how we might be more inclusive and more expansive. In think it feels like a very Mishkan project, in a sense, right, taking, taking the traditional and having a sense of reverence, irreverence as it comes to making it more dynamic, more alive, which I think is actually at the core of our tradition, right to this continuous state of flexing, growing and learning and adapting, that isn't itself, maybe the oldest tradition of Judaism, right.

Can I add something? Yeah. So you know, the other another thing that this has been meaningful for me on my Jewish journey is it's very embodied, right? We do a lot of reading and then talking about the things that we read, And then talking about the talking about the thing Things that we read and singing. And we do a lot of intellectual work in this tradition. And it's, it's a great privilege to be able to do work that feels embodied, right, that uses a body that uses your hands and uses and is about other bodies, right? I mean, there are other things that Jewish tradition calls for wear that are very embodied. And you know, the stereotype that all people do is talk and read and think and argue, is not right. But there is a moment in the Tahara process where you almost kind of can't think and can't analyze, because you have a set of tasks that you do. So you kind of almost just flow into this experience in a way that feels very connected to the physical rather than the mental in this really interesting way.

No, I appreciate you highlighting that. I think when the great myths, as you point out the Jewish tradition is that we're just a people the mind, and maybe, and maybe a people the spirit, but there's a debate about that. But we're also embodied individuals. And a lot of our tradition actually focuses on being embodied humans write in a world that is physical. And, and this is one of those spaces where I think that truly comes to the fore, and maybe even more so in that it becomes the primary mode of engagement and maybe the mind, right, and the thinking follows a bit to the back and the spirit, right. And that experience, that emotional experience is actually coming through one's embodied presence in that space, which does make the space unique among a small group, I'd say of Jewish rituals that are kind of body first in some ways. So maybe just to wrap up our conversation here, although there's much much more to talk about. I'm going to hope people will continue having these conversations and learning more what would you what would any of you say to somebody who's thinking about getting involved in something like the PCK?

I would say ask questions come to a training they're offered periodically. I don't really know him a couple times a year I think there's you know, you've just find out about it, there's no obligation and even if you decide you want to become a member, when you are first called or at any time you can, you can choose not to be hands on you can choose to observe you can choose to watch somebody's child so they can be part of the team. You there are many many ways that you can still be of service including the the real nitty gritty of it. So there are a lot of ways to fight to to be involved. And it's really a beautiful, a beautiful team effort. Amazing