Minyan Replay with Rabbi Lizzi — Parashat Behaalotecha

Every weekday at 8:00 am, Mishkan Chicago holds a virtual Morning Minyan. Our Thursday sessions are hosted by Mishkan's Founding Rabbi, Lizzi Heydemann. You can join in yourself, or listen to all the prayer, music, and inspiration right here on Contact Chai.

In our June 8th, 2023 session, Rabbi Lizzi taught us about Parashat Behaalotecha, the Torah portion which contains the very human story of Aaron's apparent envy of Moshe's unique relationship with God. What's it like to get constantly one-upped by your baby brother your whole life? 

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Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss.

Transcript

Transcript

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
I acknowledge you in your presence before me at all times, creator of the world who lives and endures ever present. You return my soul to me in compassion. Great is your faith. Great is your faith in me. You know some mornings you just wake up and you're like, I don't need God's faith. I'm strong. I'm healthy. I'm good. I'm getting out of this bed and I'm gonna go live my best life. And then some mornings, like me, for example today. You wake up half an hour later than you intended to your whole body hurts. You don't quite know why and you're like, I think I need a little bit of God's faith to get my butt out of bed this morning. And it actually helps, it helps. So we have these words every morning to help wake us up with consciousness and with gratitude, and maybe with a little extra kick in the pants that comes from knowing that the creator of the universe put you here for a reason. Today all right, speaking of here is a blessing for your working body, you know all of its cavities and tubes and things that flow and things that stop the flow so that we can walk through the world and not be a complete and total mess. So that we can walk through the world and exist feel free to say this with me and Hebrew if you can, or just in English when we get there. By rule attached I don't I have no he No. Melech Ha Olam. A share yachts are at a dam Bahama vara vo Nica Veeam Nikka Veeam Hello Lim Hello Lim gala Louie via dua live nasally save Odessa share em if attack had mayhem or your Satyam had mayhem EF Charlotte hit km Ville AMOLED live Vanessa a flu shot at a hat. Baruch atah Adonai refer hobo Sr. My flee la soit blessing Are you are God Creator of the universe, who formed the human being with wisdom and created within us openings and hollows. It's obvious and known before your glorious throne that if even one of them were ruptured, or one of them blocked, it would be impossible to exist and stand in your presence even for a short while. And so, no matter how broken or tired or hurting, we may be in the morning, if we're able to wake up and say these words, probably 95% of things maybe even 98 and a half are actually going right by ruleta Adonai bless it are you who heals all flesh and performs wonders.

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
All right. Well, I actually want to do this one too. today. We're going to read from a little section of Tara you're going to see where where Aaron Moses his brother starts having doubts about the importance of his job starts having doubts about the importance of his task in life. So and then we're gonna see God helps bring him back to what it is that he does and how important what he does is and this isn't just a professional thing, this is a human thing. But part of that reminder is waking up in the morning and knowing that your soul is good and as pure and as whole and as healthy your souls in good shape. That a trick is getting the rest of you there

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Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
my god the soul that you've given me is pure you shape that you formed it and care for it within me. We bless you the one who restores life to these lifeless bodies every morning or afternoon if you happen to be in Portugal, like Ricky What a fun thing that you're tuning in all the way from the other side of the world

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
All right. Go into little Ashrei.

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
I love it when people are on the other side of the world tuning in because then it really helps make the point that you know the presence of the Divine is everywhere. And it's just a question of a tuning your Antena wherever you are to pick up the signal. And that like tuning into morning minyan wherever you are, whether it's Colorado or Lisbon, or Chicago is just it's a way of connecting with community obviously, positive good thing, nothing wrong with that fact so much right with that. But it's also a way of like a tuning our antenna in the morning to pick up the God's signal to pick up the Divinity signal. And so when we sing these words, ASHRAE Yoshi wave a tefa. Happy is the one who dwells in your house capital, why your God, God's house? God's house is everywhere, you know, the question is, you know, do you have to move or shift or a tune a little bit differently to pick up the signal wherever you are in God's big wide world. So open our hearts a little bit wider.

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Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
if we get to it, I'm going to share a little bit of the what Rabbi shefa gold has to say about this week's Torah portion. And one of the things she talks about is spiritual resistance. You know that anytime you pick up a spiritual practice, whose purpose is to attune your antenna, you know, to be more in line with the divine flow and we're, you know, aware of God's presence and kinder and gentler and we're generous and all that stuff. But that very often, when you pick up that practice, the first thing that happens is your your whole self goes nananananana no resistance resistance. No, I don't, this isn't, I don't do that. I'm not that kind of person. I don't meditate, I don't pray, that's not who I am. I don't believe in that. Taking time out of my day that I don't have I don't, you know, I'm fine without it, maybe I don't need it. So many other people are fine without it. And that rather than thinking of that resistance, as you know, a problem, whereas the thing that's getting in the way of the spiritual work, to see that resistance as the spiritual work, that's it right there. But that's so often what we're hoping spirituality will feel like is walking into God's house and being ASHRAE being happy. Oh, good. Now I'm happier. But actually, that oh share that that joy can come and comes more forcefully and powerfully when we're in the process of growing and seeing our progress and knowing how far we've come which comes from seeing resistance and saying I see you and I will meet you there I'll meet you there with gentleness and with love and with generosity but I will not let you best me and I will create a that an even bigger house for the Divine within myself

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Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
I'm still feeling very creaky this morning. Perhaps that's why the tradition gives us a couple songs and a couple songs before asking us to stand and bend. But now I just want to practice bending my knees and bending at the hips a little bit to remember that I can then stretch in different directions. That's a metaphor as well as being physically true. All right. So

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Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
key Bechet shame I know that Nike love any Smith, you love any Smith? Shoe. I ay. Ay. Ay ay ay. Ay, yeah. Gathering the four corners of your seat seats. And if you're listening to this, on the go, or later, gathering in the four corners of your distracted mind, trying to create a moment of pure focus as we go into the Shema, tradition says, you know if you can even focus literally on one word of the Shema on the Shamar part, then, you know, Dayenu, the rabbi's who put all of this together all of these many, many words knew that distraction is one of the top one of the top five kinds of resistance that we often experience to spiritual practice. And especially if we're diving in a foreign language or something, it'd be easy to let our minds wander. And, and of course they should because that also teaches us something where our minds are wandering too. But at this moment, when we gather the four corners of our seats seat and gather back in our distracted mind, we then go into the Shemitah with as much focus as we can muster. Which reminds us that we're capable of that too, and capable of directing ourselves to something higher.

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Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
Go into me humble haha as our healing prayer this morning

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
I'm thinking about Morris Fisher, who is here many mornings with us and right now is recovering from surgery. He says it went well. And thinking about Sadie Grayson, who's also recovering from surgery and Susan Morrow, same Aiden Gilbert, who else is on your list that you want to send love and healing to this morning and prayer that they crossed to the other side of their process of their Red Sea. Kristen pads Ileana Cohen rural Feldman Freeman and Erica Rachel Rebecca. Andrea Warren.

Speaker 6  
Hey, Lizzie. I'm in the car so I can't write in the chat. Oh, go since you quoted shefa she's actually recovery from hernia surgery day. Oh, maybe we could put her on the list too.

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
Yes, yes. May all of the good Juju she has put out in the world come back to her in the form of healing. Exactly. Yes. All the minion moms were carrying because ensuring Darrell even married it'll James Leisha Silvia Erica families. Sarah Natalie Max. Phil I mean, Sheva Sherry I mean, I mean sending refresh Lee math to all of them

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Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
All right. We're going to take just a few moments to look at the first few lines of the Torah portion and what I referred to earlier. So the Torah portion is called the Aloha which means when When you mount or when you illuminate the lamps or when you yeah when you mount the lamps I mean the word Alia is in there. So if I had a bear I don't I unleash a more God says to Moses speaking. I always love this because it's a game of telephone, the barrel, our own say to Aaron, Marta, I love the Hello test. They had Aloha attorney wrote, and lo Knapp menorah Yeah, Eero Shiva, honey wrote, God says to Moses saying, tell Aaron say to him, when you mount the lamps, let the seven lamps give light at the front of the lamp stamp. And Aaron did that, just as Moses commanded? So you know, we could spend more time on this and ask like, what is curious to you about this? I'm always curious that God doesn't just talk to Aaron, God has to talk to Moses, and then Aaron has to interpret it nonetheless. Rashi asks the question. You just click on this in Safari, and it takes you to the Rashi Why is the section treating of the candelabra you know, the menorah? Put in juxtaposition with the section dealing with the offerings of the princes, which came right before in the previous paragraph? Why? Why is that? Because when Aaron saw the dedication offering of all of the princes and the heads of the tribes, he felt distressed, because neither he as the Kohane, the priestly tribe, nor nor the rest of his tribe, was with them in the dedication. They were they were separated, they weren't part of it, were upon the Holy One, bless it be God said to him, by your life, your part is of greater importance than theirs, for you will actually Kindle and set in order all of the lamps. So if we went back, we would see, there's paragraph upon paragraph of all of the different offerings of all of the different animals that all of the different tribal heads make. And you can imagine Aaron standing on the side and just feeling really left out. Like, they all have such cool jobs, they all get to do such cool things. I don't, what about me and my friends, my people, my tribe, you know, I didn't ask for this. You just told me I was a priest. And I don't get to do any of that. You know, and, and God looks and sees that something feels a little bit wrong to him, and says, no, no, no, wait, look, I have something even more special for you. I wanted to share that with you. And before I before I read a little bit of the shefa to make sense of this. I wonder if anybody has any comments or thoughts about that? Any just any noticings or observations

Speaker 7  
it's so human. Oh, human. And I have often wondered how it feels to be Aaron, and constantly one upped by your baby brother, who spent his formative years in privilege and luxury while I was a slave, and had to live in the worst conditions humanly like it's so human. It's so human.

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
Yeah, and this, it's like, it's not even about getting one up by Moses. But he's already got the buttons installed inside of him of being you know, just feeling that feeling of being left out and not getting enough and not getting the right thing and having other people get the thing. And so it like this, this seeing all of the other tribal heads getting what they're getting to do, like triggers that old feeling that you're talking about. Yeah.

Ellen  
Ultimately not being enough.

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
Yeah, yeah. Right, because it obviously it touches something deeper. If it was just like, I don't get to do a thing. And it doesn't matter to me, or it doesn't say anything about who I am. I'm like, Okay, what do I care? There are plenty of people who are doing things I don't care about, you know, so what, but that, but that he he's inferring because he doesn't get to do all that other stuff. He's not as worthy as valuable as meaningful, a human. Yeah. And so God has to say to him, no, no, I have a different job for you. Actually. It is a different job. But it's you know what, it's even more important. I love how God does this. It's like God's a parent, you know, getting real like, right, right down close to the child's face, who feels like they got the thing that I wanted to do, and it's not fair and saying, it's, you know, what, not only is it fair, I have a better job for you. You know, I feel like it's, you know, a nice moment, and sometimes a rare moment in the Torah of God being like a good parent. Okay,

Speaker 8  
I guess for me, yeah, yeah, I just wish that this would be that it's not a comparison that your part isn't necessarily greater importance. Why can't be? Why can't this be recognizing it's not a greater? It's not, you don't have to compare? Right? I mean, maybe that's the human condition. And yet, it seems like this is an opportunity not to teach us not, or compel us not to do that your part is very important. Also, it's, I just, I just don't like, I feel like I see this all the time in here. And I Oh, that's interesting way.

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
You feel like you see it in in the way that the character of God sort of parents, for lack of better word, Moses and Aaron and other characters or the way that other characters deal with each other,

Speaker 8  
both. And I guess it's whatever everybody says both and, I mean, it's, there's always like comparisons, among others. And I just feel ultimately, we can only or I can only try to only compare to myself, or be the best that I can be. And I don't want to try to be comparing to others, or being better job or that kind of thing. Maybe that's naive.

Ellen  
No, I, I support you. I support that opinion. And it seems very indicative of, you know, the patriarchal hierarchical perspective.

Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
Then, you now it's really, it's interesting, because a different addict, completely different answer. from the, from the vantage point of history, and of 2020 hindsight, because Raschi is of course, writing this 1000s of years after the after these, you know, priests in the desert making sacrifices, they don't make sacrifices anymore. And in fact, there's no priesthood anymore. Really the closest thing to the priesthood we have when it comes to lighting, these the seven, you know, the seven armed candelabra is a Hanukkah Menorah. You know, and so, a completely different way of approaching this would have been to say, you know, Aaron, you actually don't, you don't have the whole picture, you don't know where this is going. And like your job, the lighting of the seven candles and the mounting of the lamp stand, this is going to be like one of the only things that makes it out of ancient Judaism, my friend. So take a deep breath, try and try and believe that there is a bigger picture that you can't really see and it will unfold over time, sidebar over the next 2000 years. You know, but but I feel like sometimes the the strategy is to say, I know it seems like it's not fair. But there's a greater logic, there's a greater wisdom. That would be a different approach completely. That all commentary is projection. That's great. That's great, because Ondra Yeah, no, I'm glad you said that. Sherry. I think I think that's important to say. Okay, so now. Alright, I know we're coming up on time we did get started a little bit late. So I'll just I'll read you what. I'll read you what Scheffer gold says about this week's this week's learning the spiritual challenge of this week. So much of the Mishcon and the lighting of the menorah is about sort of finding ourselves in service, you know, in service of God and service of something greater than ourselves. And so she says, we embark upon this journey, without knowing how far or how long it will be. Obstacles arise in the form of resistance. And resistance arrives in the form of cravings, doubts, weariness, restlessness, aversion distraction. She says, I used to think if only I didn't have such resistance, I could really do my spiritual work. Then I realized that recognizing and confronting my resistance is my spiritual work. The very obstacles that arise to block my way home, serve to show me the face of my own challenges and my own confinement. She uses the word enslavement. Looking into that face, I I will know where my work lives the face of resistance always wears a mask, and it masquerades as the truth capital T. My work is unmasking resistance and freeing myself from its compelling power so that as I stand at the crossroads of this moment, I can choose my path in conscious, loving charity. Having left Sinai to renew their journey, we hear the story of the Israelites murmuring, and their rebellion in the wilderness. This comes later in the Parsha, as the Israelites start saying, like we're hungry, and we want to go back to Egypt, they had better food, their lamb, and it's and you're sort of like, really, Israelites are you serious, but but they're full of complaints about their about what's going on. And she says their behavior is a merciless mirror, which reflects our own tendencies towards resistance on the spiritual path. So the spiritual challenge of the high low class is to hear the murmurings and rebellions of our ancestors and recognize them as our own places of enslavement, and discomfort, calling for freedom and healing. When I witness my ancestors complaints, I must listen to my own bitter, whining, listening deeply with compassion. I hear the fear inside my voice. And I remember when that fear was born, then I know that my spiritual work will be to heal the wounds that gave birth to the fear, and to work at cultivating trust. Just to put just to pause for a moment, thinking back to what you said, Sherry, about, you know, like, the way that God responds might not have actually been the most skillful way. And I offered one way that has to do with maybe like expanding and seeing a bigger picture a different way to respond. Right might have been to say to Aaron, what we what we discussed a moment ago, which is like, Aaron, where is this? feeling of lack of fairness coming from inside of yourself? Like where? Why? Why would you think that that this isn't fair that your job is less important? Like when in your own history? Right? Like, we were sort of inferring that ourselves, but, you know, for God to be a good therapist, like, tell me about your childhood, Aaron, you know, and to allow Aaron to discover like, oh, yeah, I guess I'm triggered by seeing other people doing the cool thing, because I never got to do cool things when I was a kid, and then forgot to say really, Aaron, you never got to do cool things. You know, and maybe that's a story do. All right, I'll, I'll finish off what she says. She says when I witnessed my ancestors lust for meat and the food of Egypt, I turned to investigate my own cravings. When I discover a hunger that never seems to be satisfied, a thirst that is never quenched, a hole inside me that can never be filled. Then my spiritual work consists of investigating that craving. By entering into that hole and experiencing the emptiness within. This will lead me to the actual truth. When I witnessed my ancestors weariness with their journey, I turned to examine my own lack of energy for practice. When I hear their expressions of doubt, in the leadership of Moses, my work becomes that of unmasking the face of my own doubt, and coming to understand how and why I sometimes silence the voice of the Prophet within myself letting me know which is the right way to go. All right. Wow. I'm going to close out our learning with Cody Shia tome by Martin safe travels as Cadiz Shia tome, of course is a remembrance of all the people who were thinking about who have passed on but also a great way to close that learning. Is there anybody who thinking about this morning and honoring as we do mourners Kaddish?

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Rabbi Lizzi Heydemann  
Amen. And I'll close us out with Oseh Shalom prayer for peace.