From The Narrow Place To Liberation with Martin Friedman and Felicia Savage Friedman

We've made it through the Narrow Place, but are we fully free, yet? Builder couple Martin Friedman and Felicia Savage Friedman — expert facilitators in racial justice and Raja yoga — join Rabbi Steven for to explore how each of us living authentically is connected to our collective liberation.

Today's episode is sponsored by Broadway In Chicago. Tickets are available now to Fiddler on the Roof at the Cadillac Palace Theatre, from May 17th - 22nd. Use Mishkan's special offer code ROOF45 for $45 Middle Balcony tickets.

This message was originally delivered at the virtual Friday Night Shabbat service on April 22nd. You can watch the whole thing on our YouTube channel.  For upcoming Shabbat services and programs, check our event calendar, and see our Accessibility & Inclusion page for information about our venues. Follow us on Instagram and like us on Facebook for more updates.

Produced by Mishkan Chicago. Music composed, produced, and performed by Kalman Strauss.

Transcript

Transcript

It is my privilege. And it is such a great honor to introduce two phenomenal two amazing Mishkan knights, these are folks who have been builders in our community for a while, have connected with us from afar have been part of our community both both back home and also here in Chicago. I'm really excited to introduce you to Felicia savage freedom and Martin Friedman. And Felicia is the founder and CEO of yoga roots on location. And Martin is the Senior Consultant and Director of Strategic Initiatives for the sole focus group. But more than that they are beloved members of our community who have offered up themselves time and time again to help us think thoughtfully and critically about race, about Judaism and Jewishness, about Mishkan. And how we can be a light and to some better presence in the world for really creating the world that we want to see. And so I'm going to, I'm going to hand it off to them because their words are more powerful than mine. And I'm I'm just excited to have their light shared with you. This Shabbat this last day of pace off.

Thank you, Rabbi Stephen. Thank you. That was a beautiful introduction. Appreciate you. Martin, you're muted.

I did that on purpose. Do that on purpose because I wanted to bring in the spirit of silence as even as we speak. So good evening, everybody. Shabbat shalom. HOXA. Math. We are so honored and excited to be here. My name is Martin Friedman. And I'm here with my life partner and wife. Yes, Felicia Savage Friedman. She heard you all?

Yes. And I am he him is. And yeah, it's just such an honor for us to be able to talk to you all. And and, you know, in many ways, hopefully you all know that, especially those of you that live in Chicago that next Saturday, for Shabbat services, Felicia and I and our daughter Maya are going to be leading a workshop around race and racism and whiteness, and Jewishness and how they all intersect. And so this is this is a an opportunity for you to kind of get a feel for us. Some of you might have seen Felicia and I during con EJ service. We were very scripted that day. And, and we're not scripted today, which actually reminds me, I'm starting the timer. And so we get two minutes less promised promised rabbi, Steven that will be out because we're not. We did not script ourselves this time. You all just so you know. We want to share from the heart and we want to share in the spirit of Passover. And you know, for us, the spirit of Passover is really going to be about individual liberation and collective liberation out of slavery. And that's what we're going to talk about today. And when rabbit Rabbi Steven and I spoke the other day, he said something to me, like, let's let's not leave the spirit of Passover in Passover. Let's take that spirit of wanting liberation for ourselves and for each other to carry with us every day. And even like I've had the the honor of honor you know, of going through a year of mourning for my father. So I sat in all of these spaces where we did you know, the minion minion name, all three of them over the course of the day whenever I could make it. And, and they were part of Passover prayers in the army die every day. So that Spirit is with us every day and is the spirit of of individual collective liberation, that flourishing I want to share with you today.

Yes, there was some some additional noise in my background, so I wanted to mute but um, thank you, Martin, for kicking us off here. And understanding that when anytime we train or teach or do a workshop, when we talk about racism, it just conjures up all kinds of emotions. And so knowing that's what we're going to share with you. And me being an integrative yoga. Embodied practitioner, I am always curious to know how folks are showing up in our, in this space. So today for Shabbat in this moment, knowing that we're going to, you know, give you a mini teaser of our workshop, just want you to notice how you're showing up. You know, what's going on for you in terms of how you're feeling in your body or in your emotional body. You know, just how are you feeling and so I invite Martin and and I to participate as well as all of you to just put it In the chat, how are you feeling? Just so we're aware of how you're showing up in this moment. For example, too, you could be feeling conflicting feelings, so I can be happy it at the same time is being sad. So really acknowledging the complexity of the emotions that we may be feeling or physical sensations we're feeling in our bodies. So if you would, I'll give you a minute to just think about, and notice, how are you feeling?

Just a quick check in with Jordan and other folks. Are we able to see people's responses? Yeah. Are we able to see their responses? Oh, okay. Yep. Gotcha. Right. Yeah. Join us eternal. Thank you. Yes. The T p.

So honoring that space.

Helpful as to how are you feeling?

Grateful someone's grateful. I'm anxious and excited and honored and humbled. grateful to be in the space anxious about the world. Thank you. Confused? Yes. Thank you. Thank you for sharing overwhelmed with the realness of life and grateful to be here at the same time. Thank you. Yes. Yes. So in just for a moment, I'm going to ask the multitaskers who are on happy to have reached a Shabbat moment but sad and struggling with some physical illness right now? Relax. Yes, thank you all for being engaged. I really appreciate you taking the time out with you. They're much a part of our practices, as reclaim reclaiming our humanity. 100. And part of it is us acknowledging how are we feeling in our body, our physical body and emotional bodies? So thank you all for being honest. Yes. Mm. Might not sell you chosen.

Yeah. So are you with us with us moving forward? And yes, thank you. And maybe I would just say to because, you know, just take us just take a moment, you know, to just breathe, breathe into your body, whatever it is that you're feeling, just breathe into your body for just a moment, just take a nice deep cleansing breath, pause at the top of your breath, exhale as deeply and completely as you can and pause. And as you do that, just really feel all of these different things that you're feeling right now and be okay with it. Right? Because you know, what the liberation that we're going to talk about, is a liberation back to our true selves. It's a liberation back to who we really are, through all of the ego based identities, all of the false identities, all of the external things that people have told us about who we are, what our value and our worth is, because of our skin color, hair texture, facial features, because of our religion, because of how big our noses are, because of our gender, because of our class because of our sexual orientation, or gender identity. Because of all of these things, the world tells us who we are, and the world, the world tries to tell us who we are every day and put value on all those things that I just mentioned. That is a type of slavery that we're being asked to, to move away from today. And again, another thing that Rabbi Steven and I talked about is that Passover is a is a holiday where we're asked to connect with the most marginalized. And I want you to hold that sometimes the most marginalized is yourself. And you can be marginalized by the outside world, but we can also marginalize ourselves too. And so the liberation that we're speaking of in order to even get to talk about the conversation, around social justice around anti racism or anti oppression, anti patriarchy or anti capitalism, before we can even get to that discussion, we have to see how we're holding ourselves back. Right? That's really the narrow place the narrow places in between the way we're holding ourselves back. And the way that the world defines us and holds us back from being our true and authentic so so that's really what we're speaking of today. Today's a lot of things it's also Earth Day, which I don't know if we're going to work Earth Day and maybe, maybe maybe we're willing a minute, but but we want to talk about your About four years ago, and this was really on foolishness. I gotta just tell you real quick. So I moved from Seattle, Washington with the intent of living in New York. I stopped in Cleveland for a few months to live with my mom. I wait like applying for jobs in New York. And I was looking for a nice Jewish woman to to to get with and have a Jewish home. And instead the universe brought me Felicia. And what's so interesting is our after our first date, and we realized there were some pretty good sparks there. One of the things I told her is like, I really am coming back to live a Jewish life. And I have to tell you that Felicia has been so essential to, to my grounding myself in Judaism. And she like one of the things was we talked about the ohm, and she's like, we got to do all there, she loves on there, when the 49 days are over, she wants to start again, another 49 days. So this is our fourth year of counting the Omer together, and we're grounding that omega in not just the the count, that's, that's, you know, sort of tradition in the Torah about the you know, lining it up with the harvest. But for us, we're using a Kabbalistic approach, where neither of us are Cobble, you know, Kabbalistic scholars, but we've connected to this Kabbalistic idea of I'm just going to ask rabbi, Steven, if you can just come back on for a moment. And lead us in the prayer of the Omega tonight, and then we're going to ground the rest of what we're going to talk about with in the on there.

Right and before rabbi, Steven, before you do that, I saw you in the chat. And so thank you to Martin, would you explain what county mio Mayor what the mayor is? That's what Rabbi Steve? Well, I

want to explain it. So, Rabbi, Steven, can you explain it to like the Judaism lens? And then we're gonna read some stuff and explain it more like through the Kabbalistic lens that we that we practice?

Perfect? Yeah, absolutely. So the omega is this period of time, following the first days of Passover that counts us all the way up to the holiday of Shavuos. It's seven weeks of seven days to 49. And total, the 50 it will be shoved votes. And I did my math correctly. I think math is not a strong Rabbi skill. Definitely not my strong skill. And, and actually was traditionally connected to the barley harvest, but it really walks us through right this period of time. Not only from the holiday that was connected to the spring harvest shovel is connected the summer harvest, but then also the story of liberation from slavery in Egypt through shovel vote, which is the receiving of the Torah at Mount Sinai. So also this really transformative moment for our people, as well. I'm happy to lead us in the blessing for the owner. Let me just let me just pull it up here. I'm going to screen screenshare Thank you Habad for providing us this, this sheet. So we'll say this blessing here together, and then we will count the days here. And I can't tell you what day it is. Because you're supposed to count it first preceding the blessing others I ruined the whole process. But you can you can read here what day to anticipate. Borrow at ta Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha olam a share kiddish shondo mitzvah time Vinci Vanu, all Sufi rad Omer blesseth Are you source of all things who sanctifies us through our actions makes us holy through what we do. This case counting the Omer Hayom, Shiva yamim, Shoreham Shiva had Omar, today is the seventh day of the Omair, which is in fact, one week so far. Thanks so much.

Thank you, Rabbi Steven that you're a true yogi. You were flexible with vegetable? Yeah,

you breathe through it and you feel you are flexible. So you you're a yogi. Thank you. So our what we what we practice comes out of this book, and we just found out today after it had been out of print for a while it's back in print, we'll put it in the chat as well. Rabbi TEF Falcon and I just have to give him a quick shout out because he's the rabbi were 40 years old that helped me kind of return to Jewishness, the spiritual essence of Jewishness. He had a Kabbalistic meditational synagogue in Seattle where I was living at the time. And so you know, the spiritual grounding, they attach the 49 days to the seven if you know anything about Kabbalah has 1010 facets, which are all energy. And so sort of the lower seven, each seven, there's seven days, so seven and seven. So the first day, for example, would be cassette and cassette. And the day that we're in, we're in zero weeks and seven days, so we're still in the week of cassette, which is zero week. And then my hope, which is the seventh it will be the last the last of the seven that you count through the seven weeks. So we're using this the Kabbalah as a guide for the owner. So I don't know if we, if anybody has any questions about you know about that, that they could put in touch Cat. But hopefully that's pretty good explanation. And what we want to do is, you know, today, we just want to say that that Mahood is kind of like the they call it the kingdom or it's the body, it's the lowest energy, it's like being in our bodies, right. And when I say lowest, it's not like high as the best low and No, all of them, it's really circular. All of them feed each other. That's why we love the seven and seven process so much. And then loving kindness would be considered to be sort of like the highest level of those seven. So this is this is loving kindness in our bodies. That's really what it is. That's what today is. So that's really what what today is about is about bringing loving kindness back into our bodies. And that, again, is liberation. What we're saying is liberation is coming back to our true and authentic selves. Our true and authentic selves exist beyond race beyond class, beyond gender, beyond sexual orientation, beyond anything that you can think of. That is, that is an outside identity that's given to you, right? Now, I want to just read a little bit foolish. Now we're going to take turns reading, so I'm gonna do this, but we want to read a little bit of the first day because it captures really a lot of what we want to talk about, that Rabbi Ted, you know, speaks of in terms of this Qabalistic on their base journey. And so this would be the first day you know, the second the beginning of the second night of Passover. Our challenge is to choose freedom. with freedom comes true life, with slavery comes the pretense of life. The journey from slavery to freedom is filled with wonder and challenges us to step beyond our past. Slavery is the stuckness in our lives, that can carry great pain, it is the paralysis that brings a kind of deadness. This kind of enslavement separates us from our fuller possibilities, and convinces us of our limitations. Our memory of historical slavery is a metaphor for the inner slavery that we experienced, still, the paradox of slavery is that it is safe. The world is predictable. And there is security and being able to blame the external world for the problems we experience. Now, I just want to pause there for a minute. Welcome back. Felicia, we missed you. Thank you. We just want to pause there for a minute and like, hi, just let that sort of sit with you. Because it can be a little bit touchy, because to say that, that slavery is safe. No, it's not. That's not going to be something that's going to resonate with people especially that are from that historical, you know, they carry historical trauma from the enslavement. Right. So Phyllis, I don't know if you want to jump in and say something about that.

So being you know, first of all, I don't know what was happening in the universe, that totally shut down my computer. Maybe our energy has just over overcome the computer. So sorry for my absence, but the enslavement especially on this land, most of you know I am a black cisgender woman. So I trace my lineage back to close to Jamestown, actually in Virginia Palatine collective. My great great grandfather is powered And Clopton. So understanding that, you know, we can trace our roots back to slavery on this land. Understanding that, that that was external, but also that, you know, this is this is really touchy. And as much as you me as a black woman talking about slavery, it's a re traumatizing kind of moment. And so just holding myself tender right now, especially given the Wi Fi connection or disconnection. So recognizing that, what I wouldn't, something that I'm that's fallen on me right now is the fact that I've had this practice of loving kindness of myself, for over 30 years. And it is a response to my historical trauma that my lineage has suffered. And what I've realized more and more as I study about Jewish folk, Ashkenazi Jewish folk, specifically, because that's Martin's lineage, is that oftentimes, there's an oppression of Olympics that goes on. And so what we've done the sweet spot that I think that we've come together, and can continuously unpack, and talk about and hold each other tenderly, is this space where we have been oppressed, you know, are both of our lineages. And so that loving kindness, we always have to go back to that place of loving kindness for ourselves, so that we can continue to do this work together. As tenderly as possible. Yeah.

Thank you. And I think, you know, one of the things that you just spoke to so so eloquently, is this idea of how you and I have tied our, our collective liberation together, while also honoring our collective, you know, generational traumas. And that, you know, our generational traumas are different. And they're unique for each other, because of the historical implications. There's some uniqueness. And there's also a lot of similarities, there's a lot of foolish, and I have way more in common than we have different. And we share childhood trauma, you know, as well as generational and how that mixes together, which is why for us, you know, this, this path of liberation, you know, out of out of all of this because we both can trace our our childhood trauma to generational trauma, right, we know that that hurt people were hurting us. And, you know, liberation back to our true selves as liberation from that idea so that we don't, we're not gonna hurt the next generation. When you see me looking down, it's because I'm checking the time. I want to say as we as we talk about, you know, the end of the Passover journey and getting to freedom. Rabbi Falcon rights, there is an awesome quality to our true freedom. For with greater freedom, we are able to respond more fully to ourselves, to each other and to our world. A deep inner security then replaces our dependence on external circumstances that we often use to suppress change. Our own mere journey is a metaphor for our personal journey, from the confines of our current self definitions to the wonder of renewed self creation. Apparently, you know, apparently, when the Jews left Egypt, and we're getting ready to cross,

that narrow place, and I always think whenever I think of the narrow place I always think of, of the Red Sea being parted. And on one side is the roaring waters of like generational trauma, and how we have, how we stay enslaved for ourselves. And on the other side is that external enslavement, you the external oppression, that's real. And so we're caught in between that, and for those of us that are both Jewish and white, I also see like the cost of whiteness as one of those walls of water that wants to swallow us up that whiteness wants to swallow us from our Jewishness. Right. And then and then also on the other side, is that generational trauma that we're escaping from. The idea is that in order to get to freedom, you have to it's painful is dangerous, and you have to go through that narrow place. And it's my understanding from Rabbi Stephen and other folks. And apparently this has been proven true through the movie, The Prince of Egypt, that that there were Egyptians that went With the Jews, and they threw down their swords, and they left and they got safe passage. And what's so powerful as Felicia and I were talking earlier, what's so powerful for us is that the Egyptians laid down their swords, which was their connection to being oppressors align themselves with those who are being oppressed, and got safe passage out, but they did it for themselves. As much as for the other people. They weren't like, Hey, come on, do I'm gonna get you through and save, you know, what it was really the other way around. And with Felicien, I want to want to kind of close out is this idea that our relationship is built off of mutual liberation. We don't believe in the concept of white ally, because and, you know, I mean, maybe controversial to some folks. But I would say, you know, anything, anytime anybody says they're your ally, it's a great intent. But the impact often means that you still keep a power dynamic. So if I say I, as a white man, is an ally, to Felicia as a black woman, that means like, I'm supportive of you and your struggle, but um, but I'm not in it for my own struggles. So people say now, like, they'll say, coconspirator, they'll say, accomplice, for me, I love I personally love abolitionist, you know, because like, I want to abolish whiteness, I want to abolish whiteness, so that I can be free. And so I think of those Egyptians that threw their swords down as abolitionists too. And they tied their, their, their liberation, their freedom, they couldn't be free without aligning themselves with those who are oppressed. And it invokes what we said earlier that this is about us, aligning ourselves with the most marginalized. And so that's what we want to offer you. And Phyllis, anything you want to add to that, that this is we've tied ourselves together, and we and we, and we tie ourselves with you all now as the Mishcon family, that we approached his work with you all as a work mutual integration, where all of us benefit from the ending of oppression, even if we're on the privilege side of something right now.

Right, thank you, Martin. Yeah, there's a couple of things I wanted to just share with you all that you know, and counting the Oh, Mayor, and this being the seventh day. And please forgive me for my mispronunciation. But I see it very much as my hood is the kingdom. So that lower frequency of life, so speaking to the physical, and then has said, is that loving kindness, so that's the higher dimension. And so in the, in this seven day, our meditation is bringing both that lower frequency and that highest frequency together. So it's a combination of honoring the physical body, as well as the spiritual, that loving kindness and I just wanted to read this the daily focus for the seventh day for you all, because this is just such powerful, powerful work. And that's why, as Martin says, I want to, you know, companies count vielmehr, every day. And the daily focus is I grow more aware of the presence of loving kindness in which this world is held, I feel this deeper influence through every cell of my being, I am always one with this universal source of life. All reality reflects this loving presence. In all I need, I sense the blessing of this love. So this practice is for us is really grounded in unconditional love. You know, that loving kindness, that unconditional love, we love you, regardless of who you voted for, what your philosophy is, we welcome you in. Because we are all family, we are all cousins. And that's that's, that's for real. So in understanding that, you know, I know we need to close. And I really want you all to just sit with and notice what's coming up for you, even in this discussion, whether you agree or disagree. That's all right. We want you to come on Saturday and hear our workshop at Shabbat, you know, and let's continue to unpack this as family. This is what we do in families. So what do you notice in your body? What's coming up, you know, as Martin shared with you, as I have shared with you? And if you could we want you to put that in the chat. Just what's coming up for you. How are you feeling? How is this sitting with you or not? You know, honesty is best. That's how we establish authentic relationships. It's through being vulnerable. And this practice is a very vulnerable practice. And so as you're thinking about that and as you're writing in in your chat in the chat, I want you to just notice what's coming up. And just feel it. And just acknowledge it acknowledge your humanity in this moment in time. And we are grateful for you. And we're thankful. Thank you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai